THE TOP 50 FUNNIEST JOKES EVER TOLD... (ALLEGEDLY)
Researchers examined more than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 and getting 36,000 people to vote for their favorites.
Jokes ranged from the legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu' - to ones about wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.
A spokesman for OnePoll, which carried out the research, said: "The majority of these jokes are clean and genuinely funny - but a lot are pretty subjective and what one person finds hilarious, someone else may not.
"Many of the jokes in the list are fairly timeless and will still be making people chuckle in thirty years or more."
Including....
2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''
11. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
13. I saw this guy flirting with a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
18. ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''
22. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
23. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
25. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
43. You see my next-door neighbor worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
44. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''
45. I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
48. Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
49. A seal walks into a club...
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